Liza Blue

We all have food preferences. What follows is a list of food I can no longer eat for, well, various reasons that make sense to me.

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1.  Liver, because as a pathologist I have done too many autopsies where I have had to grapple with slippery, greasy livers ravaged by poor life choices. (I still like ribs though.)

2.  Escargot, because the action of extracting them from their cozy shells reminds me of cleaning out my ears with a Q-tip.

3.  Black olives, because they look like small snips of necrotic body parts saved as trophies by a serial killer.

4.  Shaved coconut, because it reminds me of the collection of toenail clippings my mother sent my Uncle Archie as a joke, and then he sent them back embedded in an ashtray that she kept in the drawer next to the kitchen telephone.

5.  Orange juice with pulp, because I as a teenager I used to go spring skiing in the Rockies where one of the goals was to get a perfect tan in seven days. Some years I overshot my goal.  My lips would blow up and get chapped, and little pulp-like flakes of skin would fall into my breakfast juice.

6.  Bananas, it’s not what you think, it is because of the limp and lifeless drape of the peel, and also because the moist chewing noise sounds like dogs licking their balls.

7.  Pickles, because the briny swill reminds me of bilge water.

8.  Cottage cheese, because it reminds me of a rampant thrush infection, which is even described that way in medical textbooks.

9. Hard-boiled eggs, because in the 1960s my mother’s friends’ bright red lipstick left smears all over the egg whites. (This probably says more about my aversion to lipstick than eggs.)

10.  Baby Ruth, because of the movie Caddyshack.

How about you? Any foods that are off your list for reasons that make perfect sense? Please share below!

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